Once Banta was coming out of Airport. As there was huge rush the securityguard told Banta, "WAIT PLEASE". Banta replied, "65Kgs" and moved down.
`What kind of detective is Banta? ``Well, once a burglar wearing calf-skin gloves robbed a safe. Banta took the fingerprints and five days later arrested a cow in Haryana.` 
The boss asked Banta working in his office, Why didn`t you take leave due to you this year? "Sir, I needed some rest.", replied Banta.
Banta`s eldest daughter had been taken to the delivery room in a hospital and he was anxiously waiting outside, when he heard the crying of a newborn babe. A few minutes later a nurse came out of the delivery room. Banta rushed up to her and enquired, "Sister, am I a grandfather or a grandmother ?" 
Santa and Banta were always boasting of their parents achievements to each other. Santa: Have you ever heard of the Suez Canal? Banta: Yes, I have. Santa: Well, my father dug it. Banta: That is nothing, have you ever heard of Dead sea? Santa: Yes, I have. Banta: Well, my father killed it.
Banta: `Lord, is it is true that to you a thousand years is like a second? God: `Yes, that`s true.` Banta: `And is it also true that to you a thousand crores is like a paisa?` God: `Yes, that`s so.` Banta: `Then, Lord, could you give me a thousand crores?` God: `Yes, in a minute.` 
One day Banta got a letter from Santa. `Dear Banta, I am suffering very much So, please help me! Please give me 10,000/- I will return after 6 months.` Banta thought that he should not give the money to Santa. After some time he thought of a great idea then Banta started to write a letter to Santa. `My dear friend, I am really sorry. Unfortunately I could not receive your letter in which you asked me Rs.10,000/-`
Santa was talking to his fiancee, Jeeto, and he said, "Be honest, how am I as a lover?" To which Jeeto replied, "Honey, I would definitely say that you`re warm." "Really?" Santa said excitedly. "Yes, in fact I would say that you`re the dictionary definition of the word `warm`." Santa was pleased until he went home and, just for fun, checked his dictionary and found, "WARM: Not so hot."
Santa is appearing for his University final examination. He takes his seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes his shoes off and throws them out of the window. His shirt, pant, socks and watch follow suit. The invigilator, alarmed, approaches him and asks what is going on. I am only following the instructions - Answer in brief.
Banta goes to the vet and says, "My horse is constipated." The vet says, "Take one of these pills, put it in a long tube, stick the other end in the horse's ass, and blow the pill up there." Banta comes back the next day, and he looks very sick. The vet says, "What happened?" Banta says, "The horse blew first."
Santa got up in the middle of the night to answer the telephone. "Is this one one one one?", says the voice. "No, this is eleven eleven." "Are you sure it is not one one one one?" "No, this is eleven eleven." "Well, wrong number. Sorry to have got you up on the middle of the night." "That is all right, mister. I had to get up to answer the telephone anyway."
At an evening party the guests were asked to take part in a game in which everybody was to make a face and the one who made the worst face was to win the prize. It seemed as if all did their worst. Then the judge went up to our Banta who was sitting alone in a corner. Judge: "Sir, I think you have won the prize. Allow me to...  Banta: "Excuse me, but I was not playing at all!"
"How does Jeeto like being pregnant?" Banta asked his friend Santa. "Oh, she`s not pregnant," Santa replied, "she`s expecting." "What`s the difference?" Banta pressed. "Well, Santa explained, "She`s expecting me to cook dinner, she`s expecting me to do the housework, she`s expecting me to rub her feet . . "
"I have a bad headache. Ill visit the doctor, said Santa. Banta: "Nonsense, yesterday I had a headache, I dashed home, gave a big kiss to my wife and the pain disappeared. Why do not you try it?" replied Banta. Santa said: "Good idea, call up your wife and tell her Ill be right over."
Santa was flling up a application for a job. He promptly filled the columns captioned name, age, address, etc. Then he came to the column salary expected. He was not sure as what to be filled there. After much thought he wrote: yes!
A man passing an orchard noticed Banta with a herd of pigs gathered around his feet. Banta was holding a pig up above his shoulder so it could bite off an apple. Then, he put the pig down and raised another, then another. The passerby shouted to Banta: "Why don`t you just shake the tree and let the apples fall on the ground? That would save a lot of time." Banta responded, "What do pigs care about time?"
Banta asked his wife to get some tea when his friend Santa dropped in uninvited. `There is no sugar in the house and the shops are closed because of a  bandh,` replied Mrs. Banta. `Not to worry,` replied Banta `instead of a spoon of sugar, you can give me a kiss.` `What about Santa? He usually takes two spoonfuls of sugar,` replied Mrs. Banta.
Santa`s wife gave birth to their fourth child. He is to get the child`s birth registered at the Registrar of births and Deaths. He is given the requiste form to fill.
He fills data in the form as under: Mother: Indian. Father: Indian Child: Chinese." "How come, you write "Chinese" when both parents are Indians?", the clerk at the Office asks. "Aah, Santa reads newspaper everyday. I read only the other day that every 4th person born on the Earth now is Chinese."
A rich businessman was telling our bachelor Banta about the plans for his unmarried daughters, "I have put aside Rs.2,00,000 for Savita who is 22, Rs.4,00,000 dowry for Vinita whos 27 and Rs.8,00,000 for Namita who is 36." Banta after thinking for few seconds said "Sir, do you have any daughter who is 50?"
Having snuck out with a very cute young woman that he met at a party, Banta, exhausted from hours of hot sex, woke up at her apartment at 3 A.M. "Oh God!" Banta thought, "Jeeto's gonna kill me!" Trying to figure out how he would explain this to Jenny without getting whacked with a frying pan, inspiration struck first. Banta dashed out to the nearest pay phone, dialed his home number quickly, and breathlessly said, "Jeeto, Jeeto! Don't pay the ransom!!! I escaped!!!"
A Marine walks in the restroom and sees Santa standing at the urinal, fussing with the thirteen buttons on his pants. The Marine says, "It must be a pain in the ass to have to mess with all those buttons every time you have to pee." Santa replies, "Yes it is! If I were a Marine, all I d have to do is take off my hat."
CEO was complaining in a staff meeting the other day that he wasn't getting any respect. Later that morning he went out and got a small sign that read, "I'm the Boss". He then taped it to his office door. Later that day when he returned from lunch, he found that someone had taped a note to the sign that said: Your wife called, she wants her sign back!
Santa was walking on the road and paused to read the graffiti on the wall. It read "padne wala gadha " (the one who reads this is donkey). Santa though for an hour, erased and wrote back, "Likhene wala gadha "(the one who writes this is donkey).