Marriage is not a word. It's a sentence....(a life sentence!).

Marriage is a 3-ring circus - engagement ring, wedding ring and Suffering.

A happy marriage is a matter of give and take; the husband gives and the wife takes.

A woman was telling her friend , "It was I who made my husband a millionaire." "And what was he before you married him?" asked the friend. The woman replied, " A multi-millionaire".

There was this woman who had an artist paint a portrait of her covered with the most amazingly beautiful and expensive jewels. Her explanation - "If I die and my husband re-marries, I want his next wife to go crazy looking for the jewels."

Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, and when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.

Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.

Q: Why are husbands like lawn mowers? A: They're hard to get started, emit foul odors, and don't work half the time!

Husband to wife: Why do you keep reading our marriage licence? Wife to Husband: I'm looking for a loophole

The definition of a perfect Wife? - one who helps the husband with the dishes...

Men are like chocolate bars.... sweet, smooth, and they usually head right for your hips.

A little kid asks his Dad, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" "No idea," replied the Father, "I'm still paying for it..."

There was this lover who said that he would go through hell for her. They got married - now he is going through Hell!!!

Q: Why do brides wear white? A: To blend in with everything else in the kitchen.

One day a man inserted an 'advert' in the local classifieds: "Wife wanted".Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

Marriage - an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's Degree and the woman gets her Masters.

A grandmother overheard her 5-year-old granddaughter playing "wedding." The wedding vows went like this: "You have the right to remain silent, anything you say may be held against you, you have the right to have an attorney present. You may kiss the bride."

Before marriage, a man years for the woman that he loves. After marriage, the y becomes silent.

A little boy, at a wedding looks at his mom and says, mommy, why does the girl wear white? his mom replies, the bride is in white because shes happy and this is the happiest day of her life. the boys thinks about this, and then says, well then, why is the boy wearing black?

I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. Theyve experienced pain and bought jewelry.

At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, Arent you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger? The other replied, Yes, I am, I married the wrong man.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

When a newly married couple smiles, everyone knows why. When a ten-year married couple smiles, everyone wonders why.

A man meets a genie. The genie tells him he can have whatever he wants provided that his mother-in-law gets double. The man thinks for a moment and then says, "OK, give me a million dollars and beat me half to death."

How do most men define marriage? A very expensive way to get your laundry done.

A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did.

Love is blind but marriage is an eye-opener.

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

Cosmetics: A woman's way of keeping a man from reading between the lines.

Words to live by: Do not argue with a spouse who is packing your parachute

Marriage is grand -- and divorce is at least 100 grand.

When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife.

Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say. After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish

If you do NOT have a wife - You are missing Some thing in your life. If you have a wife - You are missing So Many things in your life.